United States, Alachua
I repeatedly offer my humble pranamas to the lotus feet of my dear Gurudeva.
vraja-rasa-rasikaṁ ca nārāyaṇam taṁ prapannam
I surrender myself and offer prayers to that most exalted Srī Guru, Śrī Śrīmad Bhaktivedānta Nārāyaṇa Gosvāmī Mahārāja, who is the best amongst the followers of Śrīla Rūpa Gosvāmī, and who is always absorbed in relishing vraja-rasa.
When I came to your fold, I was introduced to the finest conceptions of bhakti. Although I had read the words of Srila Krsnadasa Kaviraja, praying to become the recipient of Sri Rupa Gosvami and Sri Raghunatha dasa Gosvami's mercy, little I knew of the meaning of that aspiration. I was aware that Srila Rupa Gosvami had written the Bhakti-rasamrta-sindhu, but it appeared that there was some speciality concerning Sri-Rupa-Raghunatha, which I was unaware of. I used to feel somehow as a trespasser when attempting to read about madhurya-lila. The role of the manjaris was also unknown to me.
Under your careful guidance, however, those secret truths were revealed, and I found myself discovering an extremely beautiful landscape of bhakti. I felt safe, and even comfortable. Today I hold some of those conceptions dear to my heart.
When I wrote to you asking for initiation, I dared to say that I would not disappoint you. Oh, my sweet Lord! I can't help but feel ashamed. Years have passed and I am still not up to your standards. Yet, because you're not a conditioned soul of this mortal world, your mercy never fails. You are not giving up on me. And, for all that you mean to me, I am not giving you up, either. So, there's hope for me. In days like today, I feel the desire to start fresh, once again, aiming for your smile of satisfaction. I will keep trying until I make it, no matter how long it takes.
Your fallen servant,